Random Musing 7: Gratefulness, Appreciation, and Humility

Hmmm… how to start this blog? First of all, I just wanna say that finally, I can blog more often now than before having the proper equipment to do so. I really do miss writing in this small space of mine in the interwebz. Most people would know that I am only madaldal to those people who I am close to so pouring out my thoughts in this page is a huge deal for me in developing my ‘social skillz’. Honestly, I never thought that one day I’m gonna write this blog in this equipment. I won’t say where I am typing this but I’m actually enjoying it. Ugh, I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m pretty much overwhelmed. I am not the type of person who brags her things/stuff online so nope, I won’t go into much detail on what I am talking about. 

This blog is not about this thing anyway (maybe sort of… find out later?) so let’s move forward to my point… Life has been a rollercoaster ride, as always, these past few months. But among all the roller coasters of life, this phase is probably one of the weirdest, most challenging, yet fulfilling ride of my semi-quarter life. After resigning from my previous job, I’ve been literally everywhere with no breaks in between. Unpleasant things happened and I met a few not-that-good people on the way. I’ve been breathing way too deeply this past month since I feel like I wasted so much time and effort for something that didn’t even give justice to my worth. Honestly, it even came to the point where I asked my worth as a person and if I am really on the right track. There were doubts on my mind whether I can achieve my goals and dreams and it really took a toll on me. I just really want to make my family… especially my mom proud so imagine my disappointment when a lot of things didn’t go as planned in my life. Well, life happens and we can’t really expect things to go our way most days. What’s important is that we move forward without hatred in our hearts and accept the circumstances no matter how unfair it is. 

What made me appreciate everything that happened though is my family and friends. I think I’ve become too independent in a sense that I thought I can handle everything. Well, first, yeah, I thought I can handle everything just like how I handled most of the things that happened in my life. I am that type of person who doesn’t like giving burden to other people no matter who they are as long as I can fix it. I don’t like feeling useless or ‘pabigat’ especially to my family that’s why as much as possible, I always make it a point to be responsible for the decisions I make. But of course, no matter how I plan my life out, it doesn’t always go smoothly. It took me quite a long time to finally ask for help. First is from my mom. Well, technically, I didn’t literally ask for her help. I just opened up my problem to her and she was understanding of my situation and she assisted me with the basic needs that I need to get. My mom is honestly beyond amazing. I screwed up a lot of times and she never failed in helping her baby girl out. As in legit. 

Then another blessing that came my way is when I asked my Tito for help. I honestly am shy to ask for any help from him or from any of my Titos and Titas but when a girl is desperate to solve her problems, asking for some help sometimes is never a mistake. He generously helped me with what I needed and here I am, typing on the equipment he sent me from the States. What almost made me cry though (I am not a crybaby okay, minsan naooverwhelm lang ako) is when I pm-ed him in Facebook, no second thoughts, he willingly helped me. I never thought that he would help me out big time because the favor that I asked him is not really that easy to give. So Tito Rene, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that I am sincerely and forever grateful to you. You have no idea how much of a big deal this is for me. Thank you so much and I hope that one day when we meet again, you can let me treat you in any way that I can. (Ayan nanaman, teary eyed nanaman ako ano ba Kat, man up lol)

Lastly, I also saw who my real friends are and those who sincerely care about me. I won’t go into details but it’s true when they say that you will know who your real friends are when you are finally so down and low. Though of course, I wasn’t that super down or low naman. It’s just that it’s touching to see how concern they were and how they helped me out. You guys are the best. 

To wrap up this post, I just sincerely want to say thank you to each and every person in my life who makes me feel loved despite the negativity that happened. As much as possible, I want to eliminate all the negative energies in my life which explains why I didn’t make such a big deal out of the fiasco that I’ve been in. I wouldn’t know what to do if it were not for you. Especially to my family. They don’t need to say anything to me. Just being with them comforts me and makes me happy. God always reminds me to have faith. I don’t know why I worried too much when this happened but I definitely learned to let go and just have faith in Him. He taught me that I forgot who I am because I let the negative things that happened in my life overpower me. I forgot to look at the blessings coming my way and instead, I worried and feared about what’s gonna happen. Lesson learned: Always look at the small and big blessings. He will never abandon you. 

Hope you liked this very personal random musing of mine. Feel free to comment your thoughts about my message!

xoxo,

KAT 💖