Random Musing 8: Celebrating Wins and Acknowledging Struggles

Today, I just finished my tasks that are supposed to be done before the night ends. Well, sort of because I still got my laundry hanging in my new clothes-stand courtesy of mah bae. I honestly missed writing again on this blog. I know, I’ve promised many times that I’ll update regularly but as usual— life gets in the way and I need to prioritize the tasks that need to be done every day.

Just like now. It’s the 4th day of December and I feel like I’m getting exhausted as I start counting days before the year ends. My energy is starting to drop and I always find my self not being able to sleep immediately even if I feel drained and tired. After writing that first paragraph, I forgot that I still need to do something before actually focusing on this entry. Don’t worry, I’m done and my thoughts are now freely flowing for this blog. Days can be overwhelming at times especially this past couple of months. It seems like I am everywhere, trying to finish all the tasks at hand. To be honest, I didn’t plan anything this year except for the goals that are written on my wall. I was able to achieve most of it but of course, there are few goals that I wasn’t able to do this year.

I am happy to report that mostly, I’ve been quite productive for the second half of 2018. This year has been an extreme roller coaster ride for me. I know that every year, I say this during my yearly weekend round up but this particular year has been the craziest one so far. A lot of things happened. Good and bad. I noticed how I started the first half of the year in a not low note— I mean hello, I literally welcomed 2018 inside my room, sulking because I just watched some fireworks at my bedroom’s tiny window while all the lights are being blocked by huge buildings. Awful way to start the year right? But 2018 went a full turn when the second half came in and I started to regain my momentum back.

Despite the whirlwind that happened this year, I can’t help myself but look back on what I’ve been through. I almost spiraled down to depression and got a glimpse of what really happens to people who are clinically diagnosed. There are times that at the end of a day, I find myself still sulking and sad even though I was happy the whole day. Small things trigger me and I find it hard to control my emotions. I became mindful of what is happening to me and didn’t let everything get to my head. Thank goodness that before December came, I feel better and much more stable so no worries there.

What this year taught me the most, however, is being thankful for everything that is happening. Good or bad, small or huge, wins should be celebrated. It doesn’t have to be a big celebration— don’t get me wrong there. I just pat myself in the back and rest for a while because slowing down and getting some downtime is a reward for me nowadays. I’ve been everywhere this past couple of months doing a bunch of things at the same time. It’s exhausting but I can’t bring myself to complain. Everything that I’m doing is what I’ve been wanting to do since forever and now that I get to do it, I gotta give my all. I don’t want to take these things for granted so as much as possible, I work hard and hustle every day.

Aside from the wins, I also acknowledge all the struggles that I faced this year. I won’t be this tough and brave without failures, mistakes, and mishaps. There are times when I was at my worst place. I used to cry alone at night and question my existence. I questioned my worth and capabilities. There are also times when I felt exhausted and I was on the verge of giving up. It feels like I was never good enough for anyone or anything. A lot of times, I got tired of using social media— the industry that feeds and supports me up to this day. Maybe that’s the effect of absorbing everything from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. It’s tiring but I can’t say this out loud or I can’t find the words to say it out loud because at the end of the day, I still think that I should not complain and I am not supposed to complain.

To end this blog, I just want to acknowledge everything that happened to me in order to appreciate what is coming this 2019. I made a Current Me vs Future Me visual board (inspired by one of my fave Youtuber) wherein I need to write my current situations so I could visualize what I want to be in 2019. It’s one of the hardest writing exercises for me but I let the words flow and for became 101% honest about myself. Now, I have a visual representation of what is to come this new year.

I am thankful for everyone who's been with me this 2018. I am beyond grateful for the love and support I got. I guess, amidst everything, GOD is still amazing and His love never ends. Let’s conquer life as it comes to us, one day at a time armored by love and faith.

Let me just rest for a while now before I conquer another day tomorrow. Good night folks and I hope to sleep well tonight after posting this blog.

xoxo,

KAT 💋